This isn’t a well-formed thought. It’s not even a complete realization. Instead, it’s just an observation.
Frustrated is maybe the wrong word, but I’ve been swept up in the English Avalanche software and I recently realized it was time to come up for air. So, I thought I’d take a day off. No biggie, right?
Today, the kids and I spent an hour and a half in the woods poking about while I looked for misteltoe that I could collect (found none) and the kids went up and down the mysterious artificial hills that the NVA left behind when they abandoned that stretch of woods. We came home to eat and, while the youngest slept, the older two and I were out on bikes, visiting trees we’d learned to like during the summer and enjoying that weird winter weather that is warm in the sun and freezing in the shade.
After that, the family had a campfire for an hour and we told stories before coming upstairs for dinner, a bath, and bed.
I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have done any of those things if I had still been focused on programming — there were a lot of factors at play — but the fact that I had such a wonderful day of doing the things that I want to define me has me wondering: are my attempts a ‘growth’ really suffocating the parts of my life that I like best?